Tuesday, June 29

Last night

Looking out over Azrou tonight. I feel a powerful mix of anticipation and sadness. Though I was close with so few here it has felt a little like a home away from home and I know that I will miss it. I will miss the old woman, diligently out selling snails every night. Who always has a smile for everyone, even as her eyes glaze over in exhaustion. I will miss the little brother and sister who play soccer in front of our door step after every wold cup game. I will miss the funny waiter at the café down the street who is always calling out names of American movie stars as an inside joke with Aydin that I have never understood but I like his crooked smile. I will miss Abdu the carpet seller and his father. Neither speak very much English but they make everyone around them feel warm and welcomed and I wish I could give them both enormous hugs. I will miss the beautiful black cat who lives in their carpet shop and her three little kittens including the runt who is half the size of the others but makes up for it in passionate ferocity for life. I will miss Zakaria and Khadisha. Most of all I will miss Aydin.

The stars are so beautiful here and the sky is so big. I feel closer to myself and find my thoughts somewhat easier to grasp than normal. Some days I find myself so frustrated with my own emotions. It is a constant struggle for me to form my ideas into coherent words that others can understand. My thoughts constantly seem to spin like a tornado of color and flavor and indescribable feeling to pluck a single threat from the mass and draw it into language is sometimes more exhausting than I can handle and I let myself fall back into just floating within my own head.

But here, in these last few weeks, it has seemed easier to form language from the storm and I can begin to think ahead to what is in store for me soon.

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